I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Fridays.”
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Why did two 4s skip dinner? Because they already 8!
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I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
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The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
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"I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."
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Someone stole my Mood ring. I dont Know how I feel about that.
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You know, it was so cold yesterday, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
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My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
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What dress a house wear?
Address!
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Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’
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What does a house wear?
Address!
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"What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."
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Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!"
"Don’t worry," said the doctor. "Those are just contractions."
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Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Me, as an adult: Hey, I’m on that medication.
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How can Santa fight with Karate skills? Because he has a black belt.
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A Man and a Woman were traveling in a train.
Woman: Every time you Smile. I feel like inviting you to my place.
Man: Aww....'Are you single?
Woman: No, I am a dentist.
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How did the Barber win the Race?
He knew a shortCut
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What Are The Most Power Full Three Words... Other Than "I Love You"? . . . . . . "Salary Is Credited"
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Teacher: Can you tell the name of 2 great Kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"
Student: Smoking and Drinking"!!!
Teacher Resigned !
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