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Marriage

Do you believe that marriage is a lottery?

"No; in a lottery a man is supposed to have a chance."
 
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Wife

After her husband's checkup, a woman was called into the doctor's office. The doctor told her, "Your husband has a serious disease. There are several things you'll have to do for him, or he will surely die."

"Each morning," the doctor continued, "fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant to him. Make him a nutritious lunch for work, and an especially nice meal for his dinner at night. Don't give him chores, don't discuss your problems with him. Let him watch his favorite sports on TV. If you do these things for the next ten months, I think he'll pull through."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.

"You're going to die."
 
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Actor

Neighbor: Haven't I seen you on TV?
Actor: Well, I do appear, on and off, you know. How do you like me?
Neighbor: Off.
 
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